Palin Throws in the Towel

       I listened to Sarah Palin’s breathless Farewell Address set off by tweeting birds and cooing babies. I wish the speech had been set off by commas; I was exhausted by the pace. I felt like a huge fan was blowing in my face and I had to cling to the drapes like Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz or be swept out the door.

      I started counting the number of times she said “Alaska,” but lost track up around twenty-some. One thing to her credit: she blew Michael Jackson and Mark Sanford off the front pages and gave Americans even more to celebrate this weekend as they gather around their backyard grills.

      I’ve given up trying to figure out Sarah Palin. I used to think she was just an aberration that occurs periodically in public life. But then there’s Michele Bachmann, Katherine Harris, James Inhofe, Rick Perry, and our own home-grown Cynthia Davis giving her competition. Today’s variety of wild-eyed political thinkers don’t distribute pamphlets on street corners or sit in a backwoods trailer with a shot gun and a can of beer, waiting for a guvment agent to amble by—they run for public office! The legislative halls of Missouri are full of ‘em. Those we used to institutionalize, we now immortalize. I pray that the Founding Fathers will forgive us our transgressions. But I digress.

      So why did Sarah, the fierce competitor and political curio, throw in the towel before the bell rang? Rumors are rampant.:She pregnant (least likely). She’s under investigation (more likely). She having problems with mental stability (never stopped her before). She wants to spend more time with her family (what troubled politician doesn’t?). She wants to be a heavily-paid political gadfly between now and 2012 (Bingo!). But based on her past performance, it could be any one—or all—of the above.

      In recent years, we’ve listened to so many heart-in-hand disclosures from failed public figures. We no longer believe the first story a politician or a preacher rolls out. It will take a few more rounds with Palin, for the whole truth and nothing but the truth to emerge.

      Be assured that in time she will slide into political oblivion, appearing only as an entry in the annals of American Political Oddities. Having given comedians, conservatives, and bloggers a reason for living, she will be missed.