Love Story: Appalachian Style

         What a slipshod affair it’s been between “Sparky” Sanford and his Argentine “soul mate.” This week the plot thickened in this chintzy Appalachian soap opera with the South Carolina governor revealing that he “crossed the lines” with a “handful” of women.

        What kind of lines are we talking about here? State lines? Picket lines? Tan lines? Hem lines? Goal lines? Or is this just the Southern gentlemen’s way of saying there was a “Lewinsky factor” in his “handful” of casual relations?

        The governor appeared to excuse himself by declaring that his south-of-the- border-tryst was the “love story” of a helpless romantic—a tangled tango—not just some tawdry Clintoneque, Edwardian, or Ensignion affair typical of other politicians. Nonetheless, his mea culpa included the regret that he couldn’t “put the genie back in the bottle.” (Now there’s a phrase sent by the gods for late-night comics.)

        Frankly, Sanford’s escapades sound less like the romance of Westley and Buttercup and more like Basic Adultery 101. I’m sure Mrs. Sanford was enheartened to hear that her womanizing hubby would “try and fall back in love” with her. Sanford does not deserve either political or domestic amnesty. This two-timing lothario should be kicked to the curb by his wife and impeached by his constituents.