Your foreign correspondent traveled into the foreign country of Washington DC, not a state of the united ones. She went so you wouldn't have to attend the Herman Cain Capitol Hill Revolution. First up was a moving tribute to that great patriot, Andrew Breitbart. The event was held in an odd place for tea party types: foreign. Right off, it was clear that the hotel was under the influence of Italians.
The food was not good old American victuals. The tables were loaded with Kalamata olives, dolmades, hummus, not American cheeses like feta, and French bread! For a group of self described "patriots" and believers in American exceptionalism, imported beer and Australian wine just seemed insulting.
The next morning was purported to be a training on the 999 plan in preparation for lobbying on the Hill later in the day. We started with another foreign meal. French croissants, English marmalade, coffee from Costa Rica. Then Mr. Cain came out to rev up the crowd, a rather scant group of around 100 folks in a room set up for 400. The Hermanator was excited to share his "golden nugget" news radio and TV spots. He laid out his plan for Cain TV being launched to air those programs Hollywood doesn't want us to see, and extolled on his "death" videos, expressing amazement that libruls believe he really shot rabbits and let a chicken peck a fella to death!
Smoking Man Mark Block took over as emcee and introduced Rich Lowrie (not an economist, but an investment adviser) who designed Cain's problematic tax plan and was to begin the 999 training. He said the 999 is a good plan. End of training. He and Herman are building their "Army of Davids," presumably to take on the Goliath of the tax code. This wasn't really a training for 999, just a coordinated Obama bashing session. All the speakers had written books (which they were signing in the lobby). Obama's Rage, Stealing Elections, 52 Reasons Not to Vote for Obama, and Democracy Denied were some of the titles. Did you know there was a manual for employers called Prosperity 101 that helps teach employees how to vote against taxes and regulations that threaten their jobs? We saw a trailer for a movie titled 2016 that shows the apocalyptic results of an Obama second term. There was plenty of speaking against unions, media bias, voter fraud, Obamacare, anti Christian policies, and socialism, Marxism, and fascism.
We loaded on to busses for the rally at the Capitol. It was hot, near 90, in April! All the speakers spoke about it, while simultaneously bashing the EPA and any idea of addressing climate change. I admit that I ducked out during the picnic to hit the American History Museum and the United States Botanic Garden. When I returned, Dick Morris was pontificating. (He is even fatter in person.) He talked about all the congressional races the republicans will win to defeat Obama everything. His personal favorite is Missouri's own Sarah Steelman! (Guard your toes, Sarah.) He was followed by Grover Norquist (no tax man), Ralph Reed (big deal Christian turned pol), and a few musicians, all focusing on how terrible the President, government, taxes, and democrats are. Not prepared to really debate 999, but with a strong message of appeal, a much wilted group representing the Cain Revolution headed up the Hill to lobby for 999.
Here is your correspondent (undercover) with Mr. Herman Cain himself and George Washington at the Capitol.
Sadly, Herman Cain is destined to be not even a footnote in history, and because no one was really willing to speak of the virtues of 999, Michele Bachmann could be right about it really being 666.
This report is respectfully submitted by your foreign correspondent, Lou Hoover.